We are here the evidence and as far as what we want people to conclude from it really the only lesson we were trying to impart in the book was to be more compassionate to yourself and to your the people you love be compassionate and understand that your desire to have sex with someone else doesn't mean your relationship is bad it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or your partner it just means you're a homo sapien that's normal what you do with it whole different question that's a that's a really key distinction i mean i grew up with predominantly a very liberal parent and sex would you know wasn't christian or any kind of fundamental religious influence,
It was just i think kind of do what you want and don't hurt people and i think i probably failed at the latter um in many cases but i can imagine for someone who has this sense of shame and guilt and sin around their sexuality that you're having these impulses in your inner marriage and you think oh my god i'm a rotten person it's i'm sure quite often that the repression of that and the misunderstanding of that would lead someone to go out and actually do something harmful to themselves or another person right it's like the molesting priest kind of sure dichotomy right and you go god how could that happen when you when you repress and have a lack of awareness with who you are and what makes you tick pathology kind of squishes out the edges,
You know for sure so i'm glad to hear that that perspective it makes a lot of sense to me i think it's also in my experience i did kind of use it as a green light to try and explore different types of relationships and level of monogamy or not and ultimately accepting that it is normal and natural to have these drives but we have a lot of drives that we don't necessarily act on right we have the capacity for higher states of consciousness this isn't to say that people who are not monogamous don't have high consciousness but i drive around sometimes and have the thought god i want to kill that guy you know i don't do it it's a thought and they go okay calm down ego slow down you know and then everything's fine and it might be the same way for someone who's attracted to someone and they have that impulse and they go yeah but let's play it through like right,
What does this look like on the other side right are people going to get hurt am i going to undermine relationships in my work or my family and okay cool i absolve myself of being a homo sapien and having those drives but it doesn't necessarily mean that i'm just beholden to act on them indiscriminately and it's i think it's easier to control drives when you understand their origin and when you cleanse them of all that shame and guilt that you were talking about because i think that tends to turbo charge them in a way right it it pushes them into a dark space where they grow and and get energized um and when you understand the evolutionary and biological reality of your own body and and whatever evolutionary trajectory is embedded in our minds,
Then you can control things better you know i often say it's like you know if your dog is is you know tearing up your sofa or something and you want to understand dog behavior and how can i deal with this dog you study wolves right because your dog is more or less a wolf a modified wolf we are modified hunter-gatherers so if you want to understand the human impulses and and nature and how we interact and why and what the motivations are and all that study hunter gatherers that's where we came from uh and a lot of people still are well not a lot but some people still are hunter-gatherers um so i think that there's a lot of a lot of good reason to look at hunter-gatherers to understand ourselves and as you say that doesn't mean we should be hunter-gatherers it just means that's where we came from that's what we are and uh that's how we're gonna be able to to control ourselves and and live together more harmoniously,
And find the things that make us happy because we're you know getting back to the earlier bit of the conversation these corporations are trying to convince us that this stuff will make us happy but it doesn't work right what is it what makes a dog happy running outside smelling things returning to where it came from right playing with other dogs pack right pack psychology that's what makes a dog happy that's what makes us happy the stuffs that have constantly made us pleased nature hygienic air intimacy acquaintances public music sleep being with children these are the things that make us happy not screens and you know that money will never spend that's a perfect segue into uh into your latest book which i wanted to talk about because as i said in the beginning i'm fascinated by this idea of domestication,
And how we can sort of win back some of our natural life practices even though we're we find ourselves in this industrialized world but um i wanted to touch on something in terms of stuff you know there was another in addition to that one thing that happened in india where i saw these happy kids with nothing i remember years ago my dad who wasn't as financially successful by by most metrics he started selling off all his four-wheelers and horses and all his toys that he'd acquired and when he was doing that i was like dad this stuff's awesome he goes luke when you make money don't ever buy stuff it just becomes a burden you know i was like oh but it's fun yeah but he goes then you got to take care of it right you got the horse now you need a horse trailer well then you got to get shoes on the horse then you need the saddles you know it's just like anything that you kind of add and i just bought my first home,
I am going oh i get it yeah you know we're remodeling the house and i'm like well then i want to do the hot tub and this and that in the backyard and i'm like oh like i kind of miss just renting my place in laurel canyon not have to worry about any of this you know it really is interesting how i live in a van dude yeah just how things just start to weigh on you and it's a quality problem of course.
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